Sorry. really. i really hoped you could see my expression now to feel my guilt.
[start of emo session:D]
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SJAB had a mock competition with nanyang girls' and i couldn't make it beacuse of some stupid taoism praying today. plus, the stupid temple was completely deserted except me and my family. believe it or not?
then, i dropped my phone yesterday, and the whole phone couldn't turn on. i was liek frantic like crazy, and i took it to the repair shop, and the nice person replaced the battery again, because i told her that there are a lot of stuff in my hp that i didn't want to lose. for example, my game high score. then i got back home at like 9 and i charged it. then i realised that i didn't tell Sharon about the reserve thing. i was supposed to do that, god damnit. it was 2 am in the morning for god's sake.
i am like so fucking scared now. my whole mind is like occupied with this and nothing else. what if felicia's team was disqualified because there was no reserve? what if... the reserve was a very important thing to have? what if... all these thoughts stuck with like superglue. and all these spectaculations are like so possible? one of seniors once said that having no reserve could result in a disqualification. I would be guilty for the rest of my life, and i am sure no one would forgive me for this. pls god, let my mistake not affect the team. i would do anything to make up for it, i swear. although sharon had CIP anyway, i was supposed to tell my seniors so thatthey could find a replacement. i am like so scared, so scared. sharon would obviously be implicated, of course. mistakes and mistakes and more mistakes. who says that romeo is stupid? nothing could ease this guilt in me now. i feel like shrivelling up somewhere and screaming into the toilet bowl. if only those who ease the guilt further.
i m half-hoping and dreading the results now. i really hope Felicia's team would win. and RVSJAB would thrash nanyang. but if anything happened, it would be my fault. totally. maybe i would quit st.john. i dunno. maybe as you are reading this you are thinking that i am a hypocrite or sth. but i really, really, felt like a SJAB member when i was in felicia's team. things involved me, and i played a part in things. how could it be? as i was about to really love sjab, this mistake ruined my passion, and my feelings. i still love sjab, and i am not dreading that i joined sjab in the first place now. i may not say this last year, but being sec 3 brings along a responsibility. urgh. if my seniors scold me i won't be angry or anything. because i am already regretting it.

URGH. i lost my key. and my mother is gonna ground me for sure.she was like throwing a tantrum because my lock is with the door, then it's quite costly to replace the whole damn door. this is the worst weekend i have experienced for 14 years. shucks. why am i so stupid? why am i so forgetful? Why am i so FUCKING clumsy? urgh. i am like so imperfect.
--------end of emoness----------


I realised my new chemistry teacher is so idiotic genius! he got lots of scholarships and even one from NUS. god. why is even teaching RV? he shud be somewhere in RI, right? aiyo. my impression of him is a nerd with overlarge spects, and very thin, and very nerdy. LOL. but my impression will change when i see him on monday

YAY~ i am sitting with nobelle now! muahahaha. [: sad sad jasmine can't sit with you le, but i am so gonna enjoy my days with nobelle!:D